aquarion: (Default)
I AM AQUARION, AND I AM HERE TO SLAY YOUR LACK OF JOURNAL ENTRIES.

Ow. That was unpleasant. Why are you here?

TO SLAY YOUR LAC...

Yes, quite, lack of journal. Believe me when I tell you I heard you the first time. And yes, I am aware that bits of my subconcious feel guilty for lack of content, but that's because it's going on something else.

BOLLOCKS IT IS. YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING USEFUL.

Maybe not, but it's a few thousand words of something sub-useful. And could you please stop shouting?

BUT I AM BEOW...AQUARION, AND I AM HERE TO SLA...

Aha. Beowulf, of course. Yes, that was quite fun.

AND IT WAS IN 3D. IT WAS SHINY!

Both, yes. My first experience in the imax cinema, I wasn't really expecting the 3D to work as well as it did, to be honest. The direction was a little bit - over the top, shall we say - with the idea of the 3Dness, but the weirdest bit was the way some bits looked almost entirely real (The Grendel's Mother bit was good, despite the fact she appeared to manifest built-in high heels), and some bits looked like a bit out of Shrek (And here I think of the initial drunken revelry scene), maybe it was the lighting that made me instantly see the cartoon. I'm not entirely sure what Beowulf's wife's beauty regime was, either, but while her husband became more craggy in the time gap, she appeared to gain some grey hairs and a more detailed skin texture graphic. I found it interesting that the characters generally looked like something between the actors and some elysian ideal of the character, and it was the first thing I've seen (or heard, moreover) Robin Wright-Penn in since The Princess Bride, a fact that was nagging me ("I'm sure I've heard that voice? ARGH, who is it?") at all the points where I wasn't going "Ooh shiny". I also, and I understand where this is going to annoy people, like the particular mutilation of the poem's storyline, putting it into a single story and assuming that Beowulf, when narrating the original, was bullshitting a lot. On the other hand, it was a Neil Gaiman script, and I'd probably have liked it if he'd turned the dragon-fight into an parody of Phoenix Wright, Attorney At Law in the form of a Dragon Ball Z episode. Fanboy, remember.

YOU FAIL AT DIARY ENTRY IN THE FORM OF SOCRATIC DIALOGUE. IF I'D WANTED A MONOLOGUE I'D HAVE GONE AND ORDERED ONE. I SHALL SLAY YOU, FOR I.

AM.

AQUARION!

...at what point did I accuire an inner-Beowulf? And what do you expect me to do with him? I am an overweight English web developer, the chances of me having to slay anything larger than a case-sensitive-file-system bug are pretty slim. I haven't even seen any of the mice that my housemates assure me are plaguing our kitchen.

IF THERE ARE NO MONSTERS TO SLAY, I SHALL DRINK!

...good idea. Well, kind of. Bare in mind we have the office party on Thursday and a banquet on Saturday. There will be mead at the latter.

I CAN HAZ MEAD?

No. Just.... no. There are many things the world doesn't need, and I suspect lolbeowulf is fairly high up that list.
aquarion: (Default)
"What have you done?"

"Traditionally, There are only two Kirama Katibin. Apparently, I am overblessed in this regard. If I was feeling self-deprecatory I might point out that my over-abundance of inner-demons is probably to compensate for the rest of the things I am bad at, but since I'm not, I won't. In fact, I'm not even going to talk to you, because it is taking a single dramatic device and extending it far into the realms of 'running joke'. Plus, it is a dramatic device executed as a socratic dialogue - another dramatic device that was clichéd before there was such a word as cliché. And even when I'm explaining all this, I'm overusing the phrase 'dramatic device'. So no, I'm not going to answer you. I have done... this."

"You've given people inner-lolcats. You've caused otherwise sane people to start talking to themselves, not just in public, but on livejournal, an archived medium. If you continue to do this, you are in severe danger of actually developing some kind of consistency of style."

"Yeah, but is that so much of a problem? Without exception, the things I have done in the last six months that have gathered the most wuffie have been this style of stuff, which are really nothing more than an exercise in writing unlabeled dialogue".

"Is that more complicated?"

"Kind of, yes. Basically, the issue is that the reader doesn't get too confused as to who is talking at any particular time, without a great deal of '''A human being what?' said the alien'' interruption".

"So, you're making non-complicated dialogue with three levels of quotation?"

"Hush. The idea is to vary sentence form and style between the different characters to give them separate voices. Easier when they are separate characters, but since I'm currently talking to myself - a sign, yes, of madness - it makes it more than just an exercise in typing in the first person and separating your paragraphs with quote marks".

"Unless you're screwing it up."

"Quite."

"And by doing this, you are reducing any merit it once had to the background level of wank that is Livejournal."

"To some extent, maybe, but I enjoy introspection of the process by which I'm writing things, and put it forth in the hope that some day I'll be able to make this whole thing work".

"Well, you're on the right track. Didn't you just arrange to take December off?"

"Indeed. Apart from the first and last mondays".

"Why?"

"Not quite enough holiday left, and staff coverage, respectively".

"And with all this spare time, you intend to?"

"Finish stuff. Write stuff. Do stuff. Play."
aquarion: (Default)
"I have to assume you have some justification for this."

"O hai. I madeded you a burger, but I ated it :-("

"You see, you think you're funny, but really you're not. Burgers are worse than cookies. Chips are worse than burgers. Then you ordered the milkshake."

"I R bad person :("

"... Stop doing that. Not that you've listened to your willpower before."

"EmoInnerLolcat is Emo :("

"...inner... lolcat. How long have you had an inner lolcat? Our budget is stretched enough as it is! We've already had to put your sense of duty on garden leave. How are we going to feed it? What does a lolcat eat anyway? Apart from, apparently, burgers. And chips. And the damn milkshake. What happens if we have to fire your work ethic?"

"I stop caring about the site, I lose my job, I work at a bookshop instead. I am 80% less profitable, but 141% happier. Plus, I get to interact with people and participate in their the saga that is their lives."

"I have difficulty believing you actually miss retail."

"That generally depends on how long I've been stuck in an office doing things I don't have any input in for people who can't make their mind up on systems that can't stay still."

"And the burger?"

"Was, upon your option, either a part of a long-term passive suicide attempt - death by cholesterol poisoning - or an attempt to get out of the office for longer than needed to grab a sandwich."

"But you don't intend to do this often."

"I will live on cucumber and celary for the rest of the week. Promise."

"Better."

"Good. Incidentally, do you have any smokes on you?"

"..."

"Kidding."
aquarion: (Default)
"Hi there"
"Hello. Who are you?"
"Yeah, I'm your willpower."
"Cool! Haven't seen you in ages. How's it been?"
"Not too good, split up with your self esteem, she said she needed to go out and find herself, I've been a bit down about that."
"Yeah, I've been down recently too."
"Well, yeah. Figures. Anyway, stop distracting me, I can't help notice that the thing in front of you is a cookie"
"So it is!"
"Quite. Now. Do you remember the discussion we had about cookies?"
"They are delicious delicacies and should be savoured whenever you can."
"Ten points from Gryffindor. Cookies are _bad_. cookies mean there is more of us than is strictly necessary. We do not need more cookies."
"But... But... COOKIES!"
"Yes. I'm sure it looks very nice, with the sugar and the white chocolate and the golden brownness and the gooeWILL YOU STOP DROOLING ON MY CARPET?"
"But I've been very good up until now. I deserve the cookie. I've been good."
"You had steak yesterday."
"I've been better than usual."
"It came with chips."
"In my defence, they were very nice chips."
"That's not a defence. That's not even relevant."
"There was salad too!"
"Yes. Half a cow and a cherry tomato. This does not constitute healthy eating, Aquarion."
"But I'd been good all week, and deserved a steak. I'd been looking forward to it. And I had the steak and I haven't slipped up since."
"You ordered dessert."
"Apart from the dessert. I've been good apart from the steak and the dessert. And the cookie."
"What cookie?"
"This cookie."
"You are not eating the cookie. Cookies are bad. Cookies are a sometimes food. DO NOT EAT TH... STOP EATING THE COOKIE."
"Mmmph mmph"
"What?"
*gulp* "And you wanted me to do what with a half-masticated cookie? Half a cookie, even. I only ate a little bit."
"And what are you going to do with the other half of the cookie?"
"I'm going to save it for later."
"And your going to assuage your terrible guilt for eating when you _know_ you shouldn't by doing what exactly? Sports?"
"Does Super Paper Mario count as sports?"
"No. No it doesn't."
"Then I'm going to ignore the guilt. Tasty, Tasty guilt. Mmmm. Guilt"
"And now you've eaten the rest of the cookie. Aquarion?"
"Mmmmph?"
"Please don't ever start smoking."

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aquarion

May 2012

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